We miss them every day, and sometimes we are ready to give everything in order to hear their stories, as well as to feel them by our side, and to look at those eyes which are filled with tenderness.
Even though our grandparents have the joy to see us coming on this world, and growing up as well, the fact is that we are those who watch them saying goodbye to the world. The first farewell that every child has to face with in the childhood is usually the death of a grandparent.
Grandparents actually play a very active role in our childhood they shape our spirits, as well as transfer their legacy to us which will accompany us for the rest of our lives, long after they have become invisible.
Nowadays, it is a very common thing to see grandparents playing an active role in raising their grandchildren. In many of today’s families, they represent the invaluable support. And the children are those that sense very well how the role of their grandparent is different than those of their parents.
It is quite common, but yet we will mention that the grandparents and their grandchildren develop a very special bond between them, which is also deep and intimate, and in itself it holds so much that the death of a grandparent can be devastating and delicate for the child. This is the reason why in today’s article, we are going to reflect this subject to you.
1. The first experience of dealing with loss – saying goodbye to a grandparent
Those who came to their adulthood with their grandparents by their side, are actually truly privileged, but those who have not, have experienced the death of these close relatives when they were only kids, and that’s why they still don’t really understand the magnitude of the situation.
In such cases usually, the adults do not know how to soften the situation, in order to hurt less or even make them feel and understand better.
This is the reason why the adults should tell their children the truth then and there. This is an advice given by a lot of Psych pedagogues. It is of course of utmost importance to adapt the news to their age.
What should parents also avoid is the mistake of preventing the child get the last farewell with their grandparents, or maybe do the mistake of telling their children how their grandparents are now a star in the sky, or maybe sleeping in the sky.
First of all, we should make our children to understand the concept of death, without any metaphors, so we won’t confuse them or avoid any misconceptions.
If we say our children that his grandfather has left, the first question that the kid will ask is when he will return back. The second thing is that if we are trying to explain them the concept of death from the religious perspective, it is very important to emphasize the fact that the deceased is not going to come back.
These kinds of explanations should be brief, simple and right up to the point, as the brain of a child can only cover a portion of information.
Another very important thing is that the adults should not hide their feelings, as well as their tears from their kids. They must know that the death is not a taboo. In order to get through a loss, you must speak openly with them about the pain and the person you lost.
When they will get some better understandings of such unfortunate events, they will start speaking at the right time about it, but until then, we must be their guides towards it.
Finally, we should be very attentive as our kids will ask us a lot of questions, and the questions will require precise and intelligent answers.
The loss of a grandparent will always be a complex matter, so the best thing will be to be very careful about every question that your children will ask you.
2. Even if they are not, the grandparents are very present
– Even when they are long gone, they will always be a part of our lives, especially in those special situations we share with our family, as well as in the oral heritage that we share with the generations that come right after us.
– Our grandparents were actually those who held our hands while we were learning to walk, but they will hold our hearts forever, and they will reside there eternally, giving us their light and energy.
– Their presence is in those yellow old photos, but not in bur mobile phones. They are also present in the tree that once sowed, or maybe in a dress that your grandmother once sewed.
– They are also present in the smell of the cakes which will stay in our memory forever, or maybe in an advice that we got from them, a story they have shared with us, in the way they taught us how to tie our shoes, or even in the dimple in the chin that we inherited from them.
– They are actually present in a delicate and deep mode. They never die, and this is due to the simple genetics. They show us how to walk a pace slower, how to enjoy an afternoon in country, learn the smell of an old but good book, as they have their own language which can go beyond words.
– It’s a hug language, gentle caress, an afternoon walk shared in silence or a complicit smile, and all of this will last forever, so this is how the real eternity of people takes place – in the affectionate heritage of those who not just really love us, but who truly honor us by remembering us every day.